The Perfect Body

In my last post, I went on this crazy rant about how the Victoria's Secret ad was placing an unnecessary amount of pressure on young girls to attain what they advertised as being the perfect body. Here's a little refresher of what that ad looked like. 

As expected, this ad caused a lot of outrage in the body-positive community, and many people spoke out against it-- myself included. Another underwear brand, Dear Kate, decided to make an ad of their own, which they thought was a little more inclusive and honest. 

It shows women of all different heights, weight, shapes, and skin color-- and guess what? They all look fab. Dear Kate's message is clear and simple: all women, regardless of what they look like, are beautiful. Our bodies are perfect because they're ours. 

Dove decided to take part, of course, considering that they are the pioneers of the body positive movement in advertising. 

Again, they are essentially saying the same thing. Real women are beautiful, no matter their size. Everyone is perfect, not just the thin models seen on a Victoria's Secret ad. This is the kind of stuff young girls should be seeing. That women that look like their moms, sisters, aunts, teachers, are all beautiful. Being a model doesn't equal being perfect. 

So Victoria's Secret had no other option than try to appease the crazy feminists of the world, and went ahead and released a new ad. Same models, same descriptive text, same everything. But a new slogan: "A body for every body."

And it works, I guess. It's easier to understand that they are referring to a bra collection. The Perfect "Body" was intentionally misleading, I'm sure. In fact, I can probably correctly assume that they had this ad ready for when the outrage and backlash would start. They were expecting people to get upset. Despite this ad saying that there is a bra in the Body by Victoria collection for everyone, the fact that they only show the collection on thin models doesn't sit well with me. But I am conscious of the fact that for years, VS has used thin models to represent their brand, so it's whatever. 

If it were up to me, though, Victoria's Secret would change their ads to look more like Dear Kate's or Dove's. Not for my sake, or the sake of the older women, but for the sake of the young teen girls going to Victoria's Secret for the first time to buy their first bra. Or to the young girls simply walking past the Victoria's Secret store. Seeing ads like these encourage the thin ideal, which is already so prominent on magazines, tv shows, movies, etcetera. It's unavoidable. 

But I think it's time for companies to just "get it." If anything, the Dear Kate ad makes me more likely to buy their underwear than Victoria's Secret. There's a statistic out there that states that models now weigh 23% less than the average American woman. The gap between the BMIs of the average woman compared to that of models has been steadily increasing for the past decade or so. Models are getting thinner while the average woman is getting bigger. So how does it make any sense to continue using thin women for everything? Doesn't it make more sense to appeal to the masses? Which would mean just using women of all shapes and sizes in your ads. It's really that simple.

I just hope that by the time I have kids, and maybe a daughter of my own, that she won't feel bad about herself because she doesn't look like the models she sees on ads in the mall. Hopefully, by that time, women of more sizes will be represented, and called beautiful in mass media. 

A girl can dream. 

Fox News Can Suck It (so can Victoria's Secret)

The other day, I was mindlessly walking around the mall trying to figure what to buy next. I had walked in to Forever 21 in the hopes of buying some black pants, but they didn't have any in stock. So I left, and made my way over to the Sephora, only to learn that they were also out of stock of Urban Decay's Naked 3 eyeshadow palette, which I have been trying to get my hands on for months. 

I decided that before I left the mall with nothing in hand, and called it a failed trip, I'd head to Victoria's Secret for a new bra and a lotion I was running low on. On the walk there, I passed by a giant advertisement on the outside of their store. THE PERFECT "BODY" was on it in giant letters, and man, they weren't kidding. 

Behind the printed words, were maybe 3 or 4 models... who were very thin, tall, and extremely beautiful. And the ad said "the perfect 'body'"--showing me women with nice bodies... telling me that they were perfect. And I looked at the ad, then unfocused my eyes and looked at myself in the reflection of the display glass, then at the ad again, and then myself. Then I walked in and bought a bra and my lotion. 

And although I was able to walk past it, and buy what I needed, it still made me angry. As an aspiring body positive goddess, I've come to terms with my size, and have learned to love myself. The ad didn't bother me, personally. It just rolled off my back, like "okay whatever Victoria's Secret, get your skinny angels out of my face and let me buy what I need." But that ad is just soooo aggravating for the effect it will have on younger generations, or those still struggling to accept their bodies. 

For those of you who don't know, the word body is in quotation marks because one of their bra collections is called Body by Victoria. So I knew what they were trying to do with this ad. They were simply trying to say that you could find the perfect bra for you.

BUT WHY WHY WHY wouldn't they just say something along the lines of "the perfect fit" or "the perfect bra" or literally anything other than body. Their marketing team knew that this was a bad idea and would spark up controversy, so WHYYYY. 

Now we have little girls walking around the malls with their parents seeing stuff like this-- and they don't know that "body" is a bra collection. To them, this ad is simple. These women have the perfect body; you should strive to look like these women; if you're not skinny, you're not perfect. 

And it pains me so much that impressionable young girls are semi-subliminally being told that being thin is what you need to be to be considered beautiful! It pains me and it makes my blood boil. Because even though this might not be Victoria's Secret message, I'm sure they are fully aware that that is what this ad conveyed. So by making the decision to print this ad and post it in malls nationwide, they are body-shaming, whether they think so or not. AND THAT IS NOT OKAY.

I wanted to see what kind of media news their campaign was getting, and I found this great clip of Fox News correspondent, Pete Heggseth or something. 

I went ahead and transcribed it for y'all. These words literally came out of his mouth:

What do they expect? It's Victoria's Secret. It's Victoria's Secret. I have no issue with this whatsoever. Body is also in quotes, no one will pay attention to that, right? But I believe body is the name of the bra or something. So the perfect "body," they didn't just say this is the perfect body. Obviously they're playing on that. I think they're probably playing on some of this - I'm gonna call it a faux outrage. It's not real outrage. 

Some other lady went ahead to say: 

Listen, shaming is shaming, and I will not shame these skinny ladies. They look great. They look great in their intimates which makes me want to buy their intimates. This is a business, it is not a social movement, okay? You don't like it, shop somewhere else.

Another lady:

But really, get over it. Even if you take the words body away, I mean, look at their bodies. Take the word body away. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, you have bigger problems than words on a billboard. These women are gorgeous. 

And here Pete literally says "Find me an imperfection right now." 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!  Watch the video and tell me that that is normal. Because I couldn't believe my ears the first time I watched that, or the second, and definitely not the third. 

Absolutely NO ONE is saying that the skinny women on the ad are the issue. So why are all these Fox workers trying to protect the skinny models? Everyone can agree that they are beautiful, and have great bodies. That is known. No one is attacking them, their bodies, their poses, their work-- NOTHING. What the ad does is tell people that they have perfect bodies, even if body is in quotes. Like, I can't stress this enough. Young girls are walking around in malls seeing that ad, and HATING THEIR BODIES BECAUSE OF IT. 

So to Pete, no this isn't faux outrage. I'm furious. I'm mad. I am so freaking upset that some stupid marketing team thought it was a good idea to put out ads like this, that make people who don't look like the women in the picture feel bad about themselves. Young girls already have enough pressures-- they don't need to feel bad about their growing bodies as well. 

And to the second lady, NO ONE IS SHAMING THE SKINNY MODELS. Are you really that dense that you're unable to see the real shaming the ad is doing? The people upset with this ad are not shaming the models, the ad is shaming women who don't look like that. And no, I don't want to shop somewhere else, because VS does have some cute bras, and they make my tatas look fab, but they shouldn't be telling me to lose weight either. 

And to the last lady, I will not get over it. For once, stop thinking about yourself, your fellow skinny coworkers on Fox News and the skinny models on the ad, and think about the young girls seeing this kind of stuff! That's what makes this ad an issue! I couldn't care less about what this ad does to me, a young adult who is comfortable in her size. I'm fat and I'm okay with it, but when you're 12 and 13, and overflowing with hormones and pressures from every which way direction, and super impressionable, this ad hits hard and it hits deep. 

God! In case you couldn't already tell, I'm pretty darn worked up. It's just so upsetting to me that young girls are growing up hating themselves. I used to be that young girl who would skip meals, and cry in dressing rooms. It was a living hell. And I'm so mad that ads like this exist making it so that other girls have to go through that. 

So I will shift this to a happier note- because on tumblr, we have a fabulous bodypos community, filled with fat babes with a sense of humor. And one fabulous member of that community did this:

Look at her! YAAASSSSS, QUEEN. She loves her size, and is essentially giving the bird to this ad. I love this picture so much. It's the biggest "fuck you" I've ever seen. WORK IT GIRL. 

What I want most is for companies to help realize that pushing the thin ideal puts an unbelievable about of stress on a young girl to reach these goals that simply aren't true. We should be teaching them that everyone is beautiful regardless of their size, their weight, their imperfections. I am just so sad knowing that there are girls out there leading unhealthy, destructive lives so that they can attain what they are being told is the perfect body. It just isn't right.

I'm going to go punch a wall or scream into my pillow or something. 

Stay beautiful, lovelies. ~~

The Inevitable Thigh Touch

You would think that in this day an age, a light graze of thighs wouldn't matter much, but let me tell you, it does. (Actually no, it still doesn't. Just keep reading.)

About a month ago, I went to a One Direction concert on my own, and it was freakin' rad. I wasn't too bummed because I had awesome seats - that I probably spent way too much money on - but when you're in love with a boy band, anything goes. 

As I was walking to my floor seat, getting closer to the stage as I'm looking for my row, I discovered that the seats were very tightly zip-tied together. I normally don't sit during concerts so this usually wouldn't have bothered me, but I had gotten there about an hour before the opening act and wasn't particularly in the mood to stand while they were setting up the stage. As I sat down, my thigh touched the thigh of the girl sitting next to me. I didn't think much of it; this is actually super common for me. I have big thighs, and when I sit, they spread out. It happens. Who cares, right?

Well, her mom did. 

She glanced over at me and gave me a dirty look. After about another four glances, I could hear her say to her daughter "I paid a lot of money for these seats, and I deserve to be comfortable." Let me explain something. 1. I was sitting next to her daughter, not her. And 2. OUR THIGHS WERE BARELY TOUCHING. It's not as if I had accidentally sat on her daughter's lap or anything, it was simply that the sides of our thighs were touching- nothing else, not our stomachs or arms or feet or anything, just our thighs. And her daughter wasn't even thin, she had pretty beefy thighs as well, but because I'm bigger this is obviously my fault. Anyway, she glances one last time and asks me if I could scoot over. I very calmly but sternly said, "I'm actually sitting quite comfortably in my seat. I don't see a reason to move." 

"Seriously?"

"Yes, I'm not moving. This is the seat I paid for, and I am sitting in it."

She proceeds to grab her car keys and literally tries to saw between the zip ties so that she can separate their chairs from mine. She quickly gave up after realizing how dumb of an idea that was. What astounded me the most was that as I was looking at the rows in front of me EVERYBODY'S. THIGHS. WERE. TOUCHING. I couldn't believe how this lady was acting. And it wasn't even that her daughter had an issue with it, because every time her mother leaned over or glanced at me, her daughter would tell her to stop. It wasn't until her daughter pointed to the rows in front of us and told her to look at everyone's thighs that it ended.

Right after she finally saw that it wasn't because I was fat, but rather because the chairs were small and very tightly placed, she apologized. At this point in my life, I'm used to the stares and the awkward situations where I have to squeeze past people, or where my butt might knock something over as I pass by it. I get it. I'm fat. I take up more space than thin people. But to be talked to and talked about so rudely for something that didn't happen because I was fat, but happened because of the chair placement was something new. I'm not denying the fact that if I were thinner, maybe our thighs would have touched less. But by looking around, it seemed that thigh touching was pretty inevitable.

Her thin privilege allowed her to blame me for the situation. Quite simply, thin people have it easier in this world. They aren't being constantly judged and ridiculed. And that's not to say that thin people are never made fun of, but it's definitely not as harsh or as constant as it is for fat women. 

Is thigh-touching really that big of an issue? Is a fat girl wearing a bikini at the beach a sight you'd rather not see? Why does a fat person at the gym look like they are out of place? 

There is an excerpt from the Everyday Feminism blog that really speaks to this, written by a thin woman.

“Can a thin person have body image struggles? Can a thin person be at war with their self-image? Can a thin person hate to look in the mirror?

Absolutely.

And does that suck?

Absolutely.

But the difference between these negative feelings and fatphobia is this: The only person worrying about whether or not I’m meeting beauty standards is me.

And that’s not the same for fat folk.

When you’re not thin, other people on the beach actually do take offense. When you’re not thin, people really do think that you shouldn’t be in a bathing suit. When you’re not thin, people really do make your body their moral obligation.

And while your internal struggle is real and significant, the point is: You might hate your body, but society doesn’t.

That’s thin privilege.”

And that about sums it up. The mother made my body her moral obligation, and demanded that I moved. She thought that my size wasn't okay, and I had to do something to make her more comfortable with accepting it. She failed to realize that the reason for our thighs touching wasn't solely my weight. 

I guess this is just serves as a memo to my fellow fat babes that it's okay to stand your ground. It's not okay for other people to make your weight their business. It's your body, and you're allowed to do what makes you happy, even if it makes other people uncomfortable. They're adult enough to look the other way, or find an alternative manner of dealing with it-- they shouldn't have to ask you to change to please them. If you like wearing bikinis and crop tops and skirts, don't let people tell you that those aren't clothes for big girls. If you like sitting in a seat you paid for, don't let anyone tell you to move. ~~

 

Spotlight: Isabel Foxen Duke

As a bigger girl, I've grown up researching a lot of diet trends and exercise routines and all that jazz to no avail. I mean, I'm still a big girl. But the issue wasn't that I failed keeping up with fad diets and exercise plans, it had more so to do with the fact that these articles and lists spoke to me like I didn't have a problem, but rather I was the problem.

That just rubbed me the wrong way. I was being told, "You know why you're fat? Because you aren't doing everything on this list the right way." These articles used this tactic to guilt trip and shame people on the road to healthiness.

On the other side of the spectrum, a lot of bodypos blogs just preach about loving your body, which is great, but I needed more than that. I needed to learn how to make a lifestyle change regarding what I ate, and how I went about eating, without being told that I was doing everything wrong.

I was lucky enough to stumble upon Isabel Foxen Duke's blog, Stop Fighting Food, where she doesn't tell me what I'm doing wrong, but instead what I could be doing right. I don't feel like I'm being talked down to while reading her posts, but instead motivated and cheered on along the way. It's kind of like when you're best friend is like "I have a better idea."-- you're not mad that your friend one-upped you, you're just glad they found a better way.

That being said, I should probably inform you that that's exactly what she does. She coaches people into redefining their relationship with food, which doesn't mean dieting, but rather not being so hard on yourself for what you decide to and to not eat.

My favorite thing about her blog is just how darn relatable it is. For example, I personally find that I'm always either super critical of what I decide to eat, or I'll binge-eat everything in sight. (Don't tell anyone, but I totally binged this weekend-- and it was so worth it.) She has a post where she talks about this phenomenon-- the never-ending binge/diet cycle-- where you oscillate between the two. After binging for the weekend, I'll watch what I'll eat for the entire week, only to binge the next weekend. It never endsss! But let me tell you, this girl gets it.

Her posts are short and sweet, and straight to the point. She doesn't really have paragraphs-- I'm pretty sure she just hits the "return" button like whenever she feels like it. Some of her sentences are split into multiple lines. Take this example:

When you let yourself be controlled by your fear of gaining weight,

because you believe the walls will cave in around you or the Earth will burst into flames if you do,

that’s when the cycle begins.

Okay, let's talk about a couple different things, because I am ~obsessed~ with how she speaks to me. It puts my head back on straight, and it makes me feel empowered.

This is one sentence broken up into three parts. The first part is the intro, it's completely bog-standard, leading up to the main point of the sentence. The second portion of the sentence is italicized-- oooh, exciting. It's relatable through the use of metaphors; her metaphors are so dramatic, but when you're trying to lose weight THIS IS EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT GAINING WEIGHT. Italicizing those metaphors is like "you know you're overreacting right?" It gives a bit of a sarcastic tone. And then boom, the third portion. Not only is it italicized, but it's bold. You thinking the world will burst into flames if you gain weight is the instigator to the binge/diet cycle. The cycle has begun because of your dramatic feelings about food. She puts everything into perspective. She just hits you with the harsh truth - bold and italicized- that you being irrational about gaining weight is leading to your own demise. PREACH.

Another issue I have, is that I'm an emotional eater. When the stress of deadlines and midterms becomes so overwhelming, there is nothing I'd rather do than eat a pint of ice cream and cry to the One Direction movie. Most of us who are trying to get healthy see emotional eating as the devil. We can't help wanting to eat because of our emotions, but we know it's sooo wrong. Duke gets it though. She understands, she knows it happens. And it's okay. She's sees it as a blessing, not a curse. It's not a disease or a problem, but it's heaven-sent.

When we strip away the judgement of our emotional eating, and stop calling it a disease, a defect, a problem in and of itself;

we can finally see it for what it is:

An alert that something in our life needs our attention. Something completely unrelated to food or our weight.

Some people never deal with their problems, because they’re never forced to.

They never leave the job they hate, because they’re not getting fat over it.

They don’t have the tough, but necessary conversations with their partners, because things aren’t “bad enough.”

But emotional eaters have a gift;

a unique opportunity to recognize when some aspect of their lives needs some T.L.C. A.S.A.P.

Emotional Eating is a reminder to love yourself harder, show up for yourself, and give yourself what you really need.

Be grateful for the reminder. It might be saving your ass.  

Here, I see her use of italics as almost a gentle kind of tone. Sort of motherly, serious but kind. Her bold sentence let's us know exactly her point-- that emotional eating is helping you out. It's letting you know that you have an issue at hand, and that after you eat your body weight in brownies, you have some business to take care of. "But emotional eaters have a gift " -- here, she is reminding us that it isn't a problem, it's nothing to be ashamed of; it's something to embrace and be proud of. Emotional eating is "a unique opportunity", a "reminder" we should be grateful for, and it's "saving your ass." Her word choice just makes me feel like she is my life coach. It's sweet, but you know she isn't messing around.

I find that in a lot of her posts, italicizing her words makes her voice come off as being understanding and friendly. Her bolded lines tend to convey a tone of seriousness, without sounding mean or harsh. It emphasizes her main points. All of her words are encouraging and reassuring, never hurtful or rude. By having short lines, her voice comes off as conversational. It stresses different parts of the sentences, that work in her favor, and make a simple message almost twice as meaningful. Her voice throughout her posts is helpful and approachable-- she sounds like someone you could vent to, and get some kick-ass advice out of.

It doesn't make me feel like I'm in the wrong, like so many other articles make me feel. Her blog doesn't make me feel like I have a major weight problem, and that I have to fix it right now or the world is going to end. Her blog reminds me that it's okay to struggle with your weight, and it's okay to have feelings towards eating. I just want to hug her for letting me know that I am doing just fine on my road to body positivity and health.