“Oh my god, I’m going to be the new Tubby.”

Hi. I’m fat. But I’m also so much more than that. I’m an avid reader, an older sister, a soon-to-be college graduate, a Netflix junkie, a dog-lover, a One Direction fan girl, a frequent napper, and an aspiring body-positive goddess. Okay, I’m only half-joking about that last one (and not joking at all about One Direction), but I am working towards body positivity—which brings me to the purpose of this blog.

I’ve been fat for the majority of my life. I distinctly remember getting ready for school one morning in the second grade, putting on my plaid Catholic school jumper, when I realized that I couldn’t button it as easily as I used to. I ran into my mom’s room and asked her for help—maybe I just wasn’t fully awake yet, or something, you know? Except, she couldn’t do it either, so she told me to lie down on the bed to flatten my tummy, and we tried again. Success! It worked. But I looked like I was about to pop when I stood back up.

In retrospect, I laugh at myself. I was cute. But I remember how sad I was that morning as I was getting dressed. There was another chubby girl in my class named Jessica, but all the boys called her Tubby behind her back. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Oh my god, I’m going to be the new Tubby.”

To my surprise, I never did become Tubby; and to this day, the only person who has called me fat or said anything rude about my weight has been my little sister, which is typical. I am not a victim of bullying directed towards my weight, and despite that, I still managed to grow up hating my appearance. Why? No one else seemed to care, so why did I? I realize now that I was taught to hate my body through my surroundings and what I saw in the media. I was taught that because I was heavier than those around me, I was less beautiful. That being thin was what I should be striving for. That only then would I be happy and truly attractive.

Well, I call bullshit.

Just because I’m heavier than a lot of people, it DOES NOT mean that I’m less attractive. Being fat doesn’t decrease my self-worth or ability in this world (other than being a slow runner, hah). Being fat just means that I weigh more than you, and that’s okay. I want this blog to aid my journey towards being body-positive. I want to inform myself, and others about body image and self-love, and blah blah blah. But I don’t want to be all preachy and be like “LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU’RE YOU AND YOU’RE PERFECT” or like super cliché with stuff like “everyone is beautiful in their own way (:” And although both those statements are true, what I want to be is completely honest with myself (and you guys!) about my struggle with my weight, how I’m learning to love myself, how the media is helping and hindering me, and how I’ve been influenced by other’s confidence and self-love.  

Taylor, Mel, and Lyndsay are three bloggers I follow who have taught me vicariously to be more confident in my size. Be wary, some posts are nsfw, but a majority of their personal posts have helped me deal with my own battles. It's weird how through their stories and self-confidence, I am able to feel better about myself.

I’m excited to do my own research about body positivity and body image in the media and how it’s perceived in today’s society. I’m also interested in learning about the progression of the standards of beauty. For example (it’s the example everyone uses), Marilyn Monroe was considered beautiful, and she wasn’t as thin as most models and actresses we see now. What changed between her time and our time? AND OH MY GOD, the definition of curvy. We need to talk about that you guys. Because I can almost guarantee that my definition of curvy isn’t the same as yours, or anyone else’s (I’m looking at you, Beyoncé).

We’ll delve in deeper into the influence celebrities have on us, and how through other’s perception of themselves, you can alter your perception of yourself. We’ll talk about a lot of things that I hope interest you too, and maybe help you with your own struggles. Prepare yourself for this journey, and grab some snacks for the road. (;